Challenging vs. Suffering - personal growth shouldn’t be so painful
Have you considered the difference between a challenge and suffering? When we are putting ourselves out there, stepping outside our comfort zones and shifting our mindset ~ it can be hard work. Maybe it’s something new, maybe it’s really vulnerable, maybe there are failures… but what you want to watch out for: making yourself suffer.
There is a difference between something being challenging and causing suffering; you need to make sure you aren’t accidentally making yourself suffer. Suffering involves pain, distress and hardship, while challenges are demanding, testing but rewarding. If you are trying to do new things you “should” be doing.. you might be suffering. And while suffering does often lead to growth, you don’t need to inflict it on yourself. In fact, suffering makes actually doing the work harder.
If suffering causes pain, it can actually get in our way of accomplishing the thing. Why? Because our brains are wired to avoid pain, at all costs. So if you logically want to do something, but your subconscious thinks it might be painful.. It’s a lot harder to actually do. You’ll likely suffer along the way.
Challenge on the other hand is different. Yes there is reward at the end, but it can also be rewarding during the process. The easiest way to make a challenge rewarding is to figure out your "why". Drop the reasons you “should” do something and get really clear on why you are doing it. If it resonates with you, you’ll find your motivation to do the thing much higher and you don’t need to make yourself suffer. Less pain = more likely to do it.
Now this doesn’t mean it won’t be hard, that there will be painful emotions that come up. If it’s outside of your comfort zone, both things will be true. The difference is you aren’t inflicting it on yourself. The “painful” emotions are your (normal) response to new, scary situations. You aren’t putting yourself in a state of experiencing painful emotions to achieve the end result. You are instead experiencing the emotions, and because you are a resourceful person: moving through them. They might make you pause, but you have the capacity to keep going.. because the pain dissipates.
When you are suffering, the pain is there the whole time. When we talk about suffering around personal growth, it’s self-inflicted and not necessary. Even if you think guilting, shaming and/or belittling yourself will motivate you, that comes at a cost. You might achieve what you are after, but at what cost? If you are just making yourself miserable in the name of personal growth - what even is the point?
It’s meant to be hard, it’s not meant to be painful.
